Half the Story Hidden
by Loveedith
Summary: Spoiler warning, season 4! **We all have our secrets. A story about changing what you can change and accepting what you can't change. And about knowing the difference between the two. ** Set after 4:8 but before the 2013 Christmas Special. Not AU as far as I know, though I have only seen 4:1 to 4:4, and read spoilers for the rest.
1. Granny

"One way or another, everyone goes down the aisle with half the story hidden." Lady Violet Crawley.

...

"Edith, my dear, there is something I want to tell you."

Edith didn't know what she expected it to be. Probably some reproach for how stupid she had been to get herself in the family way. Her granny had summoned her to her house for tea, and she was happy to get away from Downton and all the risks of a disclosure there. Enough people knew about her predicament as it was.

So the next thing her granny said came as a total surprise to Edith.

"I once had to give up a child. And I have regretted it ever since."

Edith was stunned. What was this?

"It was before I married your grandfather, although I had met him and was seeing him from time to time. But I saw other men also, I was only twenty-one and I loved to have fun. So I met this man, who was already married. I didn't know anything about love at the time, not of the physical side of it, but he sure did..."

Violet was lost in thought for quite a while. She was smiling in a way that Edith found slightly disturbing.

So Edith didn't know what to say about it all. Her granny? Surely not?

"I only tell you this because I don't want you to make the same mistake. I didn't want to say it in front of Rosamund, but if you want this baby, we must find a way for you to keep it. This whole idea about going to Switzerland...Well that's where I went. I gave my child away to be adopted by some locals there. It is probably better at yodeling than at speaking English by now."

She was quiet for quite some time again.

"It was a little boy. The older brother of your father and your aunt. Though none of them will ever know about each other. I'm telling you this because you need to know, but you must promise you won't tell anyone else. I gave that child up because my mother insisted upon it, but I wasn't forced to do it. I just wanted so badly to become the Countess of Grantham."

Edith didn't know what to say. But she knew now that she had her granny's support if she would insist in keeping her baby.

And Lady Violet was a powerful ally to have.

...

An: Just an idea I got from watching the spoilers for 4:8. I haven't watched the actual program, so I may have got some things wrong.

Violet said those words about half the story when she heard that Mary insisted on telling Matthew about Pamuk.

And, as my signature says, I do love Edith!


	2. Tom

Two days later Edith was invited to her granny again. But this time her granny wasn't alone. Tom Branson rose from his seat and smiled at Edith when she entered the parlour.

"So you have told Tom my secret?" Edith was very upset. "Oh, granny, how could you?"

"I haven't told him anything, only invited him to tea", Violet said. "But I think _you_ should tell him. Because he will be able to help you. And I won't insult your intelligence by telling you how."

Edith looked apologetically at Tom. She knew what granny wanted them to do, but it was impossible, wasn't it? This was Sybil's husband. Her own brother-in-law. The father of her lovely little niece.

On the other hand, Edith could see her grandmother's point. Edith's only chance of keeping her child, at least her only chance to do it openly, was to get married.

She looked at Tom again. He smiled back at her. He was a nice and friendly man, he would probably not be difficult to live with. He had been very patient with her when he taught her how to drive a car. And if marriage wasn't possible he would at least be good at keeping her secret. Which had to be dealt with soon anyway, in one way or another. So she might as well tell him.

"I'm expecting a child", Edith blurted out, before she had time to change her mind. "Michael Gregson is the father. I'm sure you know that he has disappeared, but perhaps you didn't know that he is already married."

...

Both Tom and Edith argued that it was impossible for them to marry each other. That it could be a marriage in name only, if at all. That they didn't love each other, not in that way, only as friends.

Tom loved Sybil. He could never love anyone else the way he had loved her.

Edith loved Michael, or at least she thought so. If he had an extremely good excuse for disappearing like that. Being murdered, for example.

"Oh, for heaven's sake", Violet exclaimed. "There have been arranged marriages in all ages! People have been able to sleep together and make children in spite of that. For example that American woman, the one who married the Duke of Marlborough. They had two sons to prove that their marriage had been consummated. But they got a divorce, even wanting to have their marriage annulled. Making bastards of their own children..."

She thought for a moment.

"If you can't get the one you love, you can love the one you get! The human body isn't made for loneliness, I'm sure you know that by now, Edith..."

Tom was thinking it all over again. This was really difficult. He understood how hard all this must be for Edith.

"I'm sure Sybil would have wanted me to help you, Edith", he said at last. "She loved her sisters. But I wish there was another way..."

"Well, there isn't", Violet said, leaving no more room for discussion. "At least none that I can think of."

...

So it was decided. Tom Branson was to marry Edith Crawley and claim her child as his own. It would give little Sybbie a stepmother who really loved her, and the world around them a little less to gossip about. People would of course notice that Edith's child was born much too early after the wedding, but at least that would be a whole lot better for it than to be born without any father at all.

...

AN: I got the idea for this chapter from a promotion picture for the coming Christmas special. Tom holds his hand on Edith's shoulder, in the protective way of a husband.

Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind comments!


	3. The Swiss Uncle

The next afternoon Edith was once again at her granny's. They were to meet there, all three of them, to draw up plans for the wedding and how to tell the rest of the family about it all.

Edith had asked Tom if they should go to her granny's together, but Tom had some business to attend to before. So they had agreed to meet there.

The whole idea of marrying Tom still felt uncomfortable to Edith. He was Sybil's husband, for heaven's sake! He was her brother! But what else could she do? She didn't have much choice, and she knew that.

Of course she regretted sleeping with Michael. But not entirely. For short moments, when she forgot about everything else, she had a strong feeling of love for the little one in her belly. Wasn't this what she had longed for all since she was a little girl, playing with dolls? To become a mother. To have a baby.

She only wished the circumstances were different, though.

She hardly even remembered what it had been like that one time with Michael. Only that she had asked him far too many times if he really loved her, both before and during and after the act. It felt a little humiliating now, even though he had answered yes most of the times.

She hardly remembered what Michael looked like by now. She hardly knew if she loved him anymore, or even if she liked him anymore. He had stood her up, she was more and more sure of that. Most likely he had played her for the fool she was and then abandoned her. He had probably only wanted to get beneath her skirts, and after that he had lost all interest.

But she knew she loved her baby. She would do anything for it.

...

Edith arrived early at her granny's place. She had wanted a chance to ask her granny a little more about her strange revelation the day before.

"What happened to that little boy you had to give up? Have you ever heard anything from him since?" Edith asked softly.

Granny shook her head, a painful look in her face.

"No, I haven't. I gave him up completely, it was all of it arranged by others. I never even saw the people who adopted him, I was only told they were descent Swiss people in their early forties, with no children of their own. Apparently the woman had pretended she was pregnant to be able to tell the neighbours that the child was theirs. I only held him in my arms for two hours, I only gave him his first meal. Then they took him from me, I was told they had hired a wet-nurse. I cried for days, and my breasts hurt something terrible. But my heart hurt worse."

Granny was quiet for a long while.

"I don't even know his name, only what year and date he was born. I think of him often, but especially I think of him every birthday, praying that he has a good life. I don't even know if he knows that he is adopted."

She was lost in thought again, very far away.

"It is funny. I know he must be a grown man by now, older than your father. But to me he is still only a little baby. And he always will be. I don't even know if he is alive or dead. At least Switzerland wasn't in the war..."

...

The time they had agreed on had passed with almost an hour, but there was no sign of Tom. Edith started to worry. Had Tom stood her up? The story of her life, that, the story of men abandoning her. Cousin Patrick, Sir Anthony, Peter Gordon, Sir Anthony again, then Michael Gregson and now Tom.

The only one who had any real excuse as far as she knew was Patrick. But she was sure he hadn't loved her anyway. None of them had, really. Not him, nor anyone else of them. No man ever had.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your comments!

After complaining that others have several stories going at the same time, making me muddle them up, I suddenly find myself with 3 unfinished stories. I'm sorry about that! Especially, I'm sorry about complaining.


	4. Wedding Plans

It was almost an hour after the agreed time when Edith and Violet finally heard a car drive up in front of the house. The tea was cold by then, so Violet asked the butler to bring a new kettle.

The subjects of conversation were long since at an end between grandmother and granddaughter. The last half hour or so Edith hadn't been able to say anything but yes or no whatever her granny talked about. Edith was feeling more and more desperate. She had started to realise that Tom was probably her last chance to keep her baby, even though the idea of a marriage to him felt very uncomfortable.

When the car drove up Edith didn't know if she felt relieved or not. Perhaps it would be better to go to Switzerland after all and have the child adopted by someone? But the thought of doing that was unbearable. She loved that little child, even if she knew next to nothing about it yet.

She just couldn't give it up. It was quite impossible.

...

When Tom entered the room he apologised for being late. The business he had been forced to attend to had taken much longer than he had anticipated.

"Well, you are here now", Lady Violet said. "That is the most important thing. Sit down and let my butler bring you a cup of tea. After that I will tell you my plans for the wedding."

"Lady Grantham, I just..." Tom was interrupted by a very severe look from the old lady.

"I would appreciate it if you just let me talk first. You will have your say after that. I hope you have some reverence for old age..."

So Tom and Edith could do nothing but listen as Violet told them how she thought it proper to go about all this. A quiet marriage at the register's office - Edith couldn't properly wear white anyhow. Very few people attending, only the closest family. Edith's parents, Mary, Rosamund, and Violet herself.

Tom looked like he wanted to say something again, but he didn't dare to interupt.

"Perhaps it is best to do it all in London", Violet continued. "We can arrange a simple meal afterwards in Rosamund's home or at the Crawley's London townhouse."

Tom looked very uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything.

"And it has all to be done as quickly as possible", Violet added. "There is no time to lose."

Violet said that people would know that Edith was pregnant at the wedding anyhow, as soon as the baby was born. Most people could count. But there was nothing to do about that. A wedding trip would be good of course, to keep out of sight for a while. But the most important thing was to have the wedding as soon as possible.

Then, at last, Lady Violet seemed to be finished. No one said anything for more than ten seconds. The room was suddenly utterly silent. Then, at last, Tom dared to say what he had come there for.

"I'm so sorry, Lady Grantham, but I can't marry Edith", he said. "It is quite impossible. I would have told you at once, but you didn't give me a chance to speak."

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for commenting!


	5. Incest

In the evening of the day that he had been drinking tea at Lady Grantham's home and been told by her to marry Edith, Tom Branson had thought it all through from beginning to end. After that he was more certain than ever that there was no way for him to marry her. He just couldn't do it.

...

First of all, it would all be too confusing for little Sybbie. She couldn't have her auntie as her mother.

Tom was fond of Edith. He liked her, and in some ways he even loved her. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that she was Sybil's sister. People said that Edith and Sybil didn't look alike, and perhaps they didn't. But there were little things, quick expressions, the way Edith said things, something about her eyes, that reminded Tom so very much of Sybil.

In Tom's eyes Edith was much more like Sybil than Mary was. A marriage with Edith would forever remind Tom of his loss, Edith would never be anything but second best. Perhaps no other woman would ever be anything more than that either, but at least he wouldn't be constantly reminded of Sybil when looking into the eyes of his wife if he married someone else.

Which was something quite different than being reminded of Sybil when he saw little Sybbie. That was a delight.

Another problem, or perhaps another part of the same problem, was that Edith had felt like a sister for so long. On top of the fact that she was Sybil's sister, they had lived under the same roof for some years now. Marrying Edith, and especially making love to her, would feel too much like incest to be comfortable.

So this would only be a temporary solution to Edith's problem. It could never be more than a marriage in name only. They were both still young, they were both going to want a full marriage sooner or later.

And most probably not with each other.

...

But Tom couldn't let Edith down either. Sybil wouldn't have approved of that. Neither would he be able to live with himself if he did, now that he knew about her problem.

And something had to be done fast, Lady Grantham was right there. Edith was already a couple of months gone.

If she was to marry anyone she had to tell that man about the baby. She wouldn't get away with pretending it was her new husband's child, even if they married fast. And he was sure Edith wouldn't want to pretend that, anyway.

It had to be someone very unusual to accept a thing like that. A very kind man. Preferably also someone who loved Edith and whom Edith could love.

The thoughts went around and around in Tom's head all through that night. He didn't sleep much, but when he did, he dreamt of Sybil. Only to wake up to the realisation that she was gone forever.

And he still had no solution to Edith's problem. Which was now his.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your kind and interesting reviews, full of suggestions in different directions!

Luckily for me I had already written the next few chapters, and also an outline of the whole story. I know we all have different opinions about DA, and I'm sure some of you will be more happy than others about what is going to happen in this story.

...

Of course I know that it is possible to marry the sister of ones deceased wife, there are no real blood-ties. It is only Tom who feels that it is wrong. Perhaps he will do it in my story despite that. Otherwise you may be able to see him do it in the Christmas Special of 2013.

...

Yes, I am a Strallan fan. I take that as a compliment, and hope you don't feel that you must have written it wrong. It is hard for me to deny it after all the stories I have written on this site.


	6. Stiff Upper Lip

They had been four at the breakfast table that morning, just like they usually were. Tom himself, Edith, Rose and Robert. Mary and Cora were both having their breakfast in bed, as usual. The children were having breakfast with their nanny.

Tom had slept very little that night. He still had no idea of what he should do about Edith's problem. He had looked her over when she sat down at the table, but there was no sign yet that she was expecting a baby. She even managed to look rather cheerful this morning, though her mind must be in a turmoil.

He guessed that was the usual stiff upper lip of the aristocracy. Don't let anyone see your worries. Don't ever give yourself away.

Tom had told Sybil a long, long time ago that posh people were good at hiding their feelings. And Sybil had told him not to make the mistake of thinking that they didn't have any. So, of course, Edith had a lot of feelings right now, she just didn't want her father to see them. Not that he was likely to notice anyhow, buried in his newspaper as he was, just like any other morning.

...

Edith had taken many blows over the years, Tom knew. The worst until now was of course when Sir Anthony Strallan had left her at the altar on their wedding day in 1920. But giving up a child would probably be even worse than that. And giving up the child was Edith's only alternative if she wasn't married, Tom knew that. Lady Grantham would never have suggested that Tom should marry her otherwise.

He remembered what Edith had looked like that day, walking down the aisle at her father's arm, dressed in that beautiful gown. Glowing with happiness. And what Edith had looked like running through the church in the other direction, just some five or ten minutes later. Devastated. Broken.

The next day Edith had been sitting at the breakfast table at Downton, just like any normal day. Brushing aside all worried enquiries with a simple "I'm fine!"

Stiff upper lip if ever there was one.

...

Tom's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Edith. She was asking him something.

"Sorry, I didn't hear that", he said. "Can you say it again?"

"I just wondered if we should go together when we go to granny for tea?" she asked.

That was the exact moment when the idea struck Tom. The idea of another man who was free to marry Edith. Free to marry her but perhaps not willing.

It was possible Tom was going to regret this, but he had to give it a try.

"No, let's meet there, I have some business to attend to first", he said to Edith. "Some estate business."

Which wasn't really a lie, since he didn't say which estate.

But Tom was fairly sure that Edith would hate him for doing what he intended to do. The man he was going to visit would probably not be very happy about it either.

This was a desperate idea, but Tom felt he had to give it a try anyway. Because if he couldn't get anyone else to marry Edith, he would have to do it himself.

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind and interesting comments, they mean a lot to me!


	7. Edith

That morning at breakfast Edith had been deep in thought. She had looked at Tom, knowing that he was as reluctant to marry her as she was to marry him. But what other choices did she have?

He had other choices but she hadn't. She found herself a little envious of Tom Branson, which was a strange feeling. She had really managed to make a mess out of things.

...

Later, at her granny's, when Edith heard Tom say that he couldn't marry her, her first feeling was one of relief. But then she thought about her darling little baby, that she would have to give up.

"I'm sorry Edith", Tom said. "I just can't marry you. You are far too much like Sybil. The way you look and the way you speak."

Edith had never heard anyone say that before. On the contrary, she was much more used to be seen as the ugly duckling when compared to the beautiful Sybil. So his refusal was rather flattering.

"But I have thought of another solution", Tom continued. Then he hesitated, more and more doubtful that what he had done was a good idea.

The room was quiet for more than ten seconds.

"Now, let's hear then, Tom", Lady Violet said impatiently. "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation. Edith has to marry or else she will have to give her child away. And she is so far gone that she will have to tell her husband, whoever he is, about the child."

"Yes, yes, I know that", Tom said. "But..."

"But what? Have you found someone else who might be willing to take care of Gregson's child?" Lady Violet sounded quite a bit sarcastic.

"Yes, at least I think so", Tom hesitated again, but he realised it was too late for him to change his mind. "Sir Anthony Strallan."

"What!" Edith screamed, unable to stay calm. No one had mentioned Anthony's name to her during the two years that had gone by since their interrupted wedding. No one except aunt Rosamund, who had mentioned him that time as an example of unreliable men.

Edith had no idea if Sir Anthony was dead or alive. She didn't know if he was still at Locksley or if he had left for London or even left the country. She knew he must be gossiped about, especially right after jilting her, but that gossip never reached her own ears.

"He didn't want me when I was a virgin, why on earth should he want me when I'm expecting somebody else's child?" she said icily, after calming down a little.

"Well, he regrets what he did to you very much", Tom said feebly.

"So you have told him I'm expecting a baby? Oh Tom, how could you? He is the last person in the world I want to know about this. Hasn't he humiliated me enough?"

"I have only told him you are in trouble, not what kind of trouble it is. Like your Granny, I don't think it is my secret to tell."

"Oh, Tom, what else could it be? I'm sure he has come to the right conclusion, he isn't stupid."

"I don't know if he is stupid, but he seems to be under the impression that it has something to do with money. Perhaps because I led him to believe that. And he is quite willing to help, he is happy of a chance to make up for what he did to you."

"If he thinks that there is any way at all to make up for jilting a woman at the altar, then he had better think again. I don't want to have anything more to do with him. Not ever again."

Lady Violet was listening to the argument with a thoughtful look in her face. Perhaps this was a possibility, after all. Edith would be better off as the mistress of Locksley than as the wife of Tom Branson, who really wasn't much more than a paid worker at Downton Abbey. Downton would eventually belong entirely to Mary and her son. Violet was quite aware that Mary and Edith didn't get along very well.

Violet was just about to say something when Tom spoke again.

"Well, Edith, if you don't want to have anything to do with him, I have a problem", Tom said, looking very embarrassed. "Because I brought him with me. He is sitting in the car outside the house. He has been waiting there for quite some time now."

...

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind reviews.

...

I guess many of you suspected from the start that I would bring Sir Anthony into this mess sooner or later, one way or another.

...

To guest: Actually, I quite like your viewpoint, please keep reading and commenting! I find what you write interesting and agree with most of it.

And thank you so much for calling my story 'Great writing'!

Besides, I like to get reviews whether I agree with them or not. I think it is interesting to hear/read different opinions.


	8. Sir Anthony

After telling Edith in the morning that they should meet at the Dower House, Tom drove over to Locksley.

A big problem was that Tom wasn't sure if Sir Anthony would like to see him. The man had locked himself up at his estate for the last two years, ever since he had left Edith at the altar. Tom had heard that he was refusing all invitations and all visitors, seeing no one but his staff and tenants. Tom was deep in thought, wondering what would happen. Sir Anthony was a nice man, he had helped Tom out that time with Larry Grey, and he was always interested in others and never condescending. If Tom could only get a chance to talk to him he was sure the kind Sir Anthony would be more than willing to save Edith and her child.

Sir Anthony had jilted Edith at the altar, there was no denying that. But Tom had seen the agony in Sir Anthony's eyes when he left church that day. So he was almost certain that Sir Anthony really loved and cared for Edith, at least that he had done so at the time, in spite of what he did. Not like that bastard Gregson, who had taken advantage of Edith and then abandoned her. But Sir Anthony had abandoned Edith too, although not with a bun in the oven.

...

Tom was very uncertain of how Edith would react also. She would probably be very angry with him. And with Sir Anthony.

And Edith's present circumstances was really not Tom's secret to tell. He remembered how upset she had been when she thought that Lady Grantham had told it to Tom. Telling Sir Anthony would probably be worse, he was perhaps one of the last persons Edith wanted to know about it.

...

When the door was opened by the old butler, Tom asked if he could see Sir Anthony. The butler said that he was very sorry but his master didn't receive any visitors. It was no use even asking him.

"Can I write him a note then?" Tom asked.

"I don't know..."

The old butler thought for a while before he decided.

"Well, I can't see why not." And the butler brought pen and paper to Tom who started writing, holding the paper against the door.

Tom went back to the car as Sir Anthony's butler went to Sir Anthony to give him the note. If that note wouldn't help, nothing would, Tom thought.

Tom hadn't even opened the car door when he heard a window open in the house. A familiar voice that he hadn't heard for a very long time was calling his name. Sir Anthony was looking out through the open window.

"Please come in, Mr Branson", he said with a worried but friendly smile. "Come in and have some tea with me."

Tom obliged and was shown to the library where Sir Anthony stood waiting, a very shy and very embarrassed smile on his face. He was looking more skinny and forlorn than ever.

Sir Anthony offered Tom a seat and they both sat down.

"First of all I want to tell you how very sorry I am about your loss. Lady Sybil was a wonderful young woman", Sir Anthony said, looking earnestly into Tom's eyes for the first time.

"Thank you." Tom said. "I appreciate that. She certainly was."

"And Matthew Crawley was a remarkable young man", Sir Anthony added.

"So he was."

They sat there in silence then until the butler returned with the tea. Tom got his tea and a scone with butter and jam before Sir Anthony said anything more.

"I am so sorry about what I did to Lady Edith", Sir Anthony said then, looking down at the floor.

Then he was lost in thought for a long while. Tom found it better to let him take his time, so he didn't say anything. What he really wanted to say was summed up neatly on that note.

"I'm sure I hurt her very much at the time. But I have always thought it was for the best."

"I don't think leaving a woman at the altar can ever be for the best..." Tom said softly.

"No, of course not, I'm sure you are right..." Sir Anthony said, his eyes full of sadness. "But she is such a gifted writer, making a name for herself. I have read all her articles, at least all I know of, and they are simply brilliant. I am so proud of her..."

He was quiet for a moment again.

"I have no right to be of course... I have no right to anything at all. But she has become an important part of the twentieth century instead of being locked up in this dusty old place with an old cripple like me."

Tom just listened. Sir Anthony obviously needed to say this. Tom wanted to say that Edith was doing most of her writing at Downton and could just as easily have done it at Locksley. And the room wasn't particularly dusty. The only thing that looked really neglected in that room was Sir Anthony himself. But Tom didn't want to object to anything Sir Anthony said right now. There were more important issues at stake.

"Why did you write a note like that?" Sir Anthony asked at last. "I thought she was doing fine?"

Tom's note was lying there at the table. All it said was: "Help! Save Edith!"

...

AN: Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

...

The expression 'bun in the oven' is probably a bit too new for Tom to think in 1922. But I like it, so I keep it.


End file.
